Sounds like crap to me!

My girlfriend is getting a new alarm clock. It can wake you up with the sound of birds or a forest or a fucking sperm whale for all I know. What the fuck. I might have to stop staying over. Or set my alarm (which BEEPS, by the way (it's a manly alarm)) a minute before hers so I can throw that shit out the window.

This throws light on a bigger problem.

What happened to the way shit sounds? Three instances of people fucking with the classics:

Mobile phone ringtones. Jesus. Ring, ring. That's how a phone rings. If I want to hear 50 Cent's (that should be on his records as the price, and even then it should be covered by a 70% discount sticker) latest pile of crap single, I'll turn on my radio. Or my TV. But I don't want to get a bus and hear that shit in the seat behind me. Even if it's a good song. It's not right. The reason a phone rings like it does is so when you hear it you know what's going on. Ring, ring. Oh, better get that. These days when a phone rings in public... well with each stupid ringtone I hear, the world gets closer to a mobile phone-related throttling spree. I swear to god. And that crazy frog... I found a game where you get to shoot him accross the land. It was good.

Lifts. Elavators, if your feel fancy. The one in my sister's building talks. Telling you what floor it's on. Except it's wrong the whole time. "But it's to help blind people." Man. Braille's never wrong. And besides. Lifts should bing. Doors open. Binnnggg!. Then maybe tell you what floor you're on. Maybe. It could give advice I guess. "Looking sharp" would be pretty cool. But they'd never do that. 'cause they're jerks.

The freaking alarm clock. I don't want to wake up to jungle sounds and think, omg! wtf! Where m I? or some stupid crap. At least not unless I'm good and hammered. Man. I should hear BLART! BLART! BLART! and wake the fuck up.

There's a Lesson here.

Lesson of Justice #4:

Don't fuck with how shit sounds, ya dumbasses! Never, ever allow yourself to get involved in this kind of nonsense. Even if your family is starving and riven with disease, don't make an annoying ringtone or a novelty alarm clock. If there is a god, he hates that shit.