Lucas, you're off the team

Another movie begets another Lesson of Justice.

Star Wars Ep III comes with the expected acreage of fight scenes, lightsabre juggling and robot bashing. In one such fight, Hayden "acting's not his thing bless him" Christensen (or however you spell that crappy name- back in the Golden Age of Hollywood if you had a crappy name you had the decency to CHANGE it) and Ewen "Tonker" McGregor stop for a chat in a fiery volcano world. Even Shakespeare knew that in a fight the only appropriate dialogue is along the lines of "Have at you, you lowly swineherd!"

"From my point of view, you are evil" - wussiest repartee ever! He deserves all the crap that happens to him.

Listen up Lucas:

Lesson of Justice #3: When fighting, real men don't stop to debate the nature of evil. Especially if they're holding lightsabres. On a volcanic hell-world. In a fucking Starwars movie. Jesus. I feel like the frikkin maid.

"Elusive" my left one.

Lesson #2 is another point of language.

Use the right words.

This goes out to my man Ridley Scott, director of Kingdom of Heaven.

"Peace in Jerusalem remains elusive" is the closing caption of the movie. Sorry if I spoiled the ending, but this wasn't going to be Happily Ever After anyway, was it?

Peace in Jerusalem does not remain elusive. You know what's elusive? That thing you forget to do right after you walk into a room that you just had a really good thing to do in but have forgetton. That thought is elusive.

To the case at hand - here is how I would have phrased it:

Peace in Jerusalem remains violent.

You showed a priest being killed in the first fifteen minutes of your movie. The time for tact has been and gone.

Lesson of Justice #2: Tell it like it is.

Running low on !s captain...

"wow sasha! did i ever tell you that whenever i go to read your poems, i have to turn off my music and like concentrate on your writing...your work just has that affect on me"

Aw. That's adorable.

I'm going to fill this blog, not just with the novel (to be resumed in a few weeks, June, I swear), but with a flaming assault silliness like the above. How can somebody say the above sincerely and not be a living joke? Must have used up too much energy spelling concentrate correctly... which is still impressive, given the fact that this is one of the STUPIDEST REASONS EVER TO SAY "WOW!".

Lesson of Justice #1:

Live as though the number of exclamations in the world is finite - do not waste them on stupid. Since I read the above, "stupid" has become a noun.